Hungry for love

At some time in their life remember the feelings that I have not
enough love. This feeling haunting me and chases in
closer relationship with people for a long time. When embracing,
to a friend, a loved one, I get the impression that
usatysfakcjonowałoby me only absorb another person physically,
and the same contact seems to me to be insufficient. When someone I embrace,
I always want to "just a little while longer" than the others. My need
love, tenderness and warmth is huge.

This is primarily from my childhood and relationship with parents.
They always worked. Dad came back in the evening, mom. Often
I went to my mother to work after completing the lesson in primary school.
Typically zostawałem as the last child in kindergarten, the last
the child in the school room. Built in me a sense of being
the last, niekochanym, null and void. Mom has always been zabiegana,
zagoniona. She lived in the future, the future of the vein. "Pobawię with you
later; Tomorrow I will spend some time with you; I promise you that tomorrow
We will play together the whole day, "in other words:" tomorrow you will get
love ". As it is not difficult to guess, in most cases, means ' does not
nadchodziło. Instead of time spent with their parents, getting more and more
newer and more fancy toys. The trickiest of them, but
It was the most practical computer. Most of his childhood was spent
playing alone. It had its subtle charm. Could from each,
the smallest item pull maximum imagination. It was the
enormous. Slowly, step by step I built your non-existent world
and clapping it love. As I understand it.

Sleeping with a teddy bear themed nadawałem each of them a different story. Each was
poignant, affecting the heart. Each of the new toys had to somehow
get into my world. For example-plush dog
in the evening, in bed, at bedtime traveled the snow obsypanych
the hills-folds on a coverlet-and went to my house. Cold,
hungry, lonely. I-in his imagination greeted it felt, fondly.
"Hey dog, come to me, hug me, I love you. I give you to eat,
We will be together well, I want to be your friend. " Later, what
the evening I sang him a song pillow "psiemu". All
the lyrics consisted of different intonowanych "hau hau".

My world was over the top. Over time it has grown to a specific size.
I have created myself an imaginary friend. My guess is that the children
Yes they do, in exceptional cases, loneliness. I
periodically lost a sense of reality. The name had a "Store" and was
Red Lizard-man. Was covered with scales, and had
the most nice smile, what you can imagine. I spoke with
him for half a day, and even almost saw him as walking through the
me on the streets of the city. I recently found my only detailed
drawing Each character and I burned it in the fire.

This is just a brief outline of the extremes of childhood. Example of this is
even more. The important thing is that they have made the whole strong
the pattern of what I call the love. I noticed that even
the habit of sleeping skulonym on one side, something that fits in the
of the orphan syndrome endured by many subsequent years.

He had the impression that this fragment of the past, this vulnerability is
impossible to fill. That would be hard to compensate, so
Sometimes there were various steps towards letting go of the past.
The first and most important, was the day cleaning in the room. About
17 big bags of toys and souvenirs from childhood, 35 KG
recycled paper and an old armchair. Everything is locked up in the dumpster. What
better toys were distributed to the nursery school. When
the entire Marathon picking with sentiments, dulled my sadness,
that evening was manifest not watery. The more
zbliżałem with bags to containers of garbage, the more my
my eyes were crying. Inner child felt robbed of the acquis. It's
the beginning of the end was brutal my imaginary world. Not all
However, I had the courage to let go. Left over 20 KG. It was a
the last anchor. as it turned out, very solid. Has survived about
one year. Hardly gave comics (a collection of Kaczorów Donaldów even
with comic books, 1991. and Asteriksów) into the hands of other komiksożerców.

The next step was a list (on big yellow cards) to have
containing all the regrets and memories, and then
conversations with mom. It's hard to talk with my mom. I believe that there
can distance themselves to each other in the relation Mother/son. I was afraid of her
for most of his life, so such a minor conversation required me
a lot of courage. It is courage led me further, toward freedom from
all of this.

When it disappeared once created in my mind a world gone all
What zastępowało love. At this point, I have made one of the most important
the decision in my life. As well as a small child after stąpałem
the way of spiritual development, now had to determine whether surrender
involving the temptation of successive love-alcohol substitutes,
drugs, tobacco, etc-whether I will go in the direction of the Enlightenment, but rather that
What's at the age of 13 through this I understood. I dared to. Hundreds of
meditation, hundreds of prayers and affirmations. I Was Looking For Love. In the meantime,
uzdrowiłem a lot of topics with which the tired adult people, but
one is left unseen and lasted me until the age of 17 years. It's
a sense of niedopieszczenia, longing for love went behind me step
step and wildly on the quality of partnerships influenced by that
I created. In relations with partners always gave himself maximum,
much as I could subconsciously hoping that in accordance with the laws of
Karma will come back to me and in the end, I'll be satisfied, but it's after a long
during the more destroyed than built. As in many relationships,
that one person gave very much, and the other was
overwhelmed with the inability to odwdzięczenia. At the end of the zostawałem
empty-handed and heart poszarpanym in the pain of ingratitude and
they underestimated.

A breakthrough in this regard came when Kinga, my current
life partner. One day, when I heard from her sincere
"Tom, you give me so much, I don't know how I will do so."
I experienced the shock. I was lying on the bed in the middle of the Autoregresingu session and
I cried the impossibly deep tears. I was struck in my deep
hidden fears and wounds. I thought to myself "no! Again, so many
the unions broke now and again? What can I do? After all, there
I can give less, rather than stretch from other more without their will ".
It is available on the harmony in any relationship. Commitment. When
session przypominałem all previous partner and periodically
repeated every time the mechanism become empty handed and
with the heart. I stood face to face with the face of loneliness, the eternal
the fall and … has changed. I realized that everything, it was my
flawed strategy for childhood zduszenie. I wanted to learn how to give
partner, how to show love and hoping that I will get it.
At the same time give so much that not being able to give fully
maintain my image the love that never comes.
It's really extraordinary how powerfully unconscious and complicated
they can be nurtured and supported mechanisms even by so
for a long time. A devious mind can do so to recap that one lesson
not enough on figuring out the original intention. You must
pick up the conclusions of several similar.

In the company of people growing spiritually you can often hear
informative slogan: "you don't know what is your problem? It's definitely from
love ". I agree with this opinion and anyone who notes that
the problem seems to outgrow it, or is overly tangled, I recommend
all the focus on love and heart, and then big problems,
reduce at a rapid pace, and we can not take a look from a distance.
Love is greater than the mind, so being a witness to our lives with
her perspective, everything else becomes much smaller, and it is up
half way to the healing of the mind. About commendable ways
achieving the Love I write elsewhere.

Probably many psychotherapists, or people from imperialist thoughts to psychotherapy
reading the above text extends your suggestions with the theme, but
This is what I wrote, it is not a guide on "how to deal with …", only
memories which are for me the form of purification and structure in the
itself. I believe that someone will help in understanding their own having missed

To write this text inspired me today's interview with the former
partner on our past. She pulled to the front of the
bag of precious memories. Gina, thank you.

Author: Tom

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